A Life Changing Experience

I wrote this for an essay contest a few years ago.  When I wrote this I was really dismayed by all the misconceptions about Mormons and wanted to show the positive effect of my religion in my life-- just to increase awareness of the good in Mormons, not to convert anyone.  :)  Sorry if you've already read it...I wanted to be able to link to it on my blog without sending someone to the external website its published on. 

I believe that in losing ourselves to others, we truly find ourselves.  

When I was a little girl, my dream was to be the next woman president or Miss America. I was bursting with imagination, and could spend endless hours under the giant white birch tree in my front yard, dreaming I was Anne of Green Gables or some other fearless heroine.

In college, I ran track, chased boys (though in a very harmless sort of way), studied, and took a job as a river guide.

Then I made the momentous decision to serve a mission for the LDS church.

In the spring of 1998, at the age of 21, I entered Dallas Texas as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

I was to live with another missionary, with whom I studied or worked most of my waking hours. We lived in a small apartment, and could each fit our belongings in two suitcases. We earned no living as missionaries, and most of the missionaries I was familiar with served at their own expense.

I was soon deeply discouraged. Day after day went by with little success, as few people seemed genuinely interested in what I had to say. Misunderstandings about my faith were rife.  I focused on how miserable I was, how I missed my home and family, dating and socializing, and “having fun.”

As time passed, my difficulties didn’t change, but I did. I learned to love longhorn cattle and a sky-- Texas blue--that spread as far as the eye could see. I learned that most Texans have a heart comparable in size to their colossal state flag. Oh, and my waist grew a couple inches as a result of a few too many Blue Bell ice creams and some generous Texas cookin.’

Over months of knocking doors in the blistering Texas heat, I learned something else. I learned to love people. In neighborhoods from the projects to the prairie, I met people of expansively different race, background, and religion, people with nothing and people with everything. Some of these people had lost a loved one or had recently been divorced. Some suffered from debilitating diseases, others were alone. I learned to laugh with them and cry with them. I felt their pains as keenly as if they were my own. I became so swallowed up in their lives that I forgot my own petty troubles. My desire to relieve suffering and bring happiness, to inspire someone or to comfort them overpowered my desires to return home to my own life.

The vast majority of people I came in contact with never did join my church, but I hope their lives are better. I know mine is.

My mission changed my attitudes about what my life is worth. Now the measure of a successful life to me is how much I can give. I found my deepest happiness came when losing myself to others, and in doing so, found that part of myself worth finding.

For the first two years of my son’s life, I spent uninterrupted time each day to teach him, to play with him, and to be with him. We looked at bugs, sang, we floated self-made boats down our autumn stream, and we wore out our family story books. Though he probably won’t remember those experiences, I hope that the love I showed him will be a part of his being that will contribute to a lifetime of happiness.

Being a mother has been much like being a missionary. It can be challenging and discouraging at times. My hair isn’t always perfectly coiffed (goodbye, Miss America!), nor is my house immaculate or fashionably furnished. The sacrifices I make as a mom will probably go unnoticed by most of the world, but that is okay. I feel I’m doing the most important job in the world. Pouring time, talents, and energies into human beings will never be a waste.

My dearest dream now is that the world be a better place for my having lived in it.

Anytime I give of myself, I always seem to get more in return.